Babies

Hormones on Parade…

I was around babies all day yesterday , I met up in our local pub with with my lovely friends, including one who has a tiny bundle of three week old joy and another who has two toddlers, and another friend who is on her own baby making journey, different to mine, so there was a lot of talk about babies and hormones and trying to conceive. It was a really fun afternoon,  it always is when we get together, and as I sat there with a tiny pink sleeping baby snuggled into my chest, chatting and laughing with my buddies, several people commented on how cosy the baby looked and how natural I looked with a child. Several of the locals jokingly asked “was I feeling broody?” And “when are you doing to have babies then?” I’m not going to be overly dramatic about it but it definitely strikes a chord and while I’m actually ok with it happening whenever it happens I have been starting to feel anxious about it again. To be honest I’m feeling very peculiar, my hormones are all over the place and my mood is up and down like a freaking yoyo. I mentioned in my last post that I thought my cycle was starting to get back to normal finally after coming off the pill about 7 or 8 months ago (my mummy friends were telling me today that while it’s common to take about three months for your body to get back to normal after coming off the pill, it can take up to a year for some people and I’ve been taking the pill constantly for 20 years and am over the dreaded 35 threshold!) and I definitely think that’s what’s happening. I’m a total wreck! I feel like I don’t know who I am, or what I’m doing, I’m mega emotional and a bit panicked about life. Is it coincidence that this has happened the exact same week I start my new career changing job and a week after my 37th birthday? To be honest I think not. This week I feel more confused/emotional/tired about life then I have for ages. The last six months have been super stressful and I’ve battled through it feeling relatively strong, this week it feels like all my emotions have come out all in one go making me feel totally crazy, questioning every decision I’ve ever made, unsure of who I am, what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, feeling totally irrational, miserable, angry. I hadn’t really had any of these things since stopping taking the pill up until now. And I haven’t really noticed any other side effects until now either, but I did notice before this period my boobs were unbelievably sore and my body felt like giving up, no weight loss or gain but in the last month my appetite has reduced quite a bit.

So how do I deal with this tidal wave of hormones? To be honest I don’t know, if there was some generic universal cure that would just be too easy. My best advice to myself is to ride the wave and understand that it will settle. I’ve found that I’ve been exhausted, so I’ve been binge watching a lot of old TVs shows under a blanket, with peppermint tea or hot chocolate, it’s made me feel a bit middle aged but I’ve definitely needed the rest, and the period pains I’ve been having have been insane, so under a blanket has seemed like a good place. spending time with my girl friends and talking about it has helped sort things out in my own head and also, not taking about it, but talking about other, normal day to day stuff has been great! There’s nothing quite like time with friends, and my friends really are the best friends, one has just brought me a moonstone ring, as moonstone has a great feminine energy and helps remind us of the cycles in our own lives and is also used to balance hormones and emotions, aren’t I incredibly lucky to have such beautiful thoughtful souls in my life? I’ve been trying to lay off the alcohol, don’t want to add hangover misery into all the other emotions! A bit of exercise is always a good way to balance my mood, I’ve actually been too tired this week but normally I love swimming, it’s therapeutic and not too hard on your body but a great all over exercise.

But the most important thing for me has been remembering not to take myself too seriously, it’s just hormones and it’s all part of the process of getting my body ready for babies. If my body is ridding itself of any remnants of the pill then that’s a good thing, for my body and for my wellbeing, I don’t want any fake hormones in my body, and it also means I’m one step closer to making that tiny human I want so badly. When I’m able to look at it like that I actually feel good about my crazy mood swings! I’ve woken up today feeling happier and more balanced already, let’s see how long it lasts…

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3 thoughts on “Hormones on Parade…

  1. As that dude from Knocked Up says- “Fuck you, hormones! You’re a crazy bitch, hormones!”

    Seriously though I definitely feel your pain about the mood swings. I go deep, deep into a well of darkness for a day or two every month. It’s horrific. Just barely-restrained, undirected rage and depression. I’ve been off the pill for about the same length of time as you (although I just came off it to escape side-effects, not to get pregnant), and I haven’t yet settled into a groove. The mood swings are definitely a lot more intense now though than they ever were when I was on the pill.

    Sometimes I consider going back on the pill, but then I remember I don’t want to have a stroke. So. Maybe I’ll just try a moonstone instead.

    Like

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